photo credit: MK Hansen
I woke in the dark of the morning with my left arm solid
asleep. As the blood slowly filled, causing my finger tips to tingle, I decided
it best to get my lazy bum out of bed and crank out some miles, especially
since I had not covered any distance since my last 10 mile run 10 days ago. Because,
Zowie!, I have a Princess race to run on Sunday! So I hopped up, threw on my running
garb, and hit the ‘mill.
The first song to pop up on my iPod was Mumford and Sons,
“Awake My Soul.” Quickly, it became my arms up in the air prayer. God is doing
a work in my heart, an awakening, a becoming, a grand transformation. I know
this is something he is always doing, especially when we are in his word,
digging deep to know him. But for some reason, seminary plus life circumstances
seem to be accelerating this process. For the past 3 years I have been praying
for God to awaken my spirit, to bring awareness to the sleeping depths of my
being where sin, weakness, and faith all reside. He is faithful, and he answers
in amazing and really unexpected ways. This morning, while on my run, I began
to dream, to think through what could be. I know it was God’s Spirit dwelling
in me that brought these thoughts, for on my own, I could not imagine them. All
are impossible, which of course just makes the likelihood that they are from
God all the more assured. After I finished my run, I came in the kitchen to
find my beloved getting ready for the day. While stretching, I told him the
plans. He looked at me like I was crazy, as usual, shook his head, and
continued to put his shoes on. Nothing else was said.
Later in the morning, I went to visit a BSF class that is near and
dear to my heart. I had not been back to see my sisters since God removed me
from the class last May. It was good to be back on familiar ground. The
teaching was on Numbers 13-14, with the exploration of the Promised Land and
the people’s rebellion to the report. The first division was Numbers 13. While
it wasn’t a principle, it was what God gave me to write down, plus a few
questions from the TL…Do I have a God-centered or me-centered perspective as I
am called to explore and inhabit new lands? Is my God big enough to fulfill his
promises? Will I claim the promises he has given me? All I could do was smile.
When I arrived home, I read an email from my beloved. (Side
note: Since he had to step out of BSF leadership, he receives the lecture from
the men’s BSF class. I love how the men still love and care for him with abundant
measures of grace, even though he is no longer in that circle. It is beautiful
and an encouragement to his heart.) He sent me a copy of the lecture document
from last night’s men’s class meeting. It has much of the same things I had
just heard. He writes in his email, “Was
thinking about your run on the treadmill this morning…” At that point, what
could I do but laugh! Michael knows of God’s faithfulness to fulfill the crazy
ideas He puts in my head! Just in the past 4 years, he has watched God provide
for and take me to Rwanda 3 times, as well as begin seminary with no real
tangible reasons as to why or what’s next. I told him I’m ready to be like
Joshua and Caleb, trusting God to do the impossible. He then says, “Bring home
the grapes! Not the bacon!”
Truly, if any
grapes are gathered, it will be by the hand of the Lord, and if any new
territory is covered, it will be by God’s leading and enabling. Which reminds
me of my lectio divina time yesterday:
“When the Lord brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you-a land with large flourishing cities you
did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide,
wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant- then
when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who
brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.”
Deuteronomy 6:10-12
Clearly, it is all his doing. Any place we go, everything we
have and are satisfied with, is all from His Hand. He alone is to receive the
glory for the deliverance and the provision. And indeed, when the visions He
has given me come to pass, in full or in part, all glory will be His. And I
have no doubt the fruit produced with be both satisfying and eternal, and God
willing, there will be a little bacon thrown in for this bacon loving girlJ
