Dreaming

photo credit: MK Hansen

I woke in the dark of the morning with my left arm solid asleep. As the blood slowly filled, causing my finger tips to tingle, I decided it best to get my lazy bum out of bed and crank out some miles, especially since I had not covered any distance since my last 10 mile run 10 days ago. Because, Zowie!, I have a Princess race to run on Sunday! So I hopped up, threw on my running garb, and hit the ‘mill.

The first song to pop up on my iPod was Mumford and Sons, “Awake My Soul.” Quickly, it became my arms up in the air prayer. God is doing a work in my heart, an awakening, a becoming, a grand transformation. I know this is something he is always doing, especially when we are in his word, digging deep to know him. But for some reason, seminary plus life circumstances seem to be accelerating this process. For the past 3 years I have been praying for God to awaken my spirit, to bring awareness to the sleeping depths of my being where sin, weakness, and faith all reside. He is faithful, and he answers in amazing and really unexpected ways. This morning, while on my run, I began to dream, to think through what could be. I know it was God’s Spirit dwelling in me that brought these thoughts, for on my own, I could not imagine them. All are impossible, which of course just makes the likelihood that they are from God all the more assured. After I finished my run, I came in the kitchen to find my beloved getting ready for the day. While stretching, I told him the plans. He looked at me like I was crazy, as usual, shook his head, and continued to put his shoes on. Nothing else was said.

Later in the morning, I went to visit a BSF class that is near and dear to my heart. I had not been back to see my sisters since God removed me from the class last May. It was good to be back on familiar ground. The teaching was on Numbers 13-14, with the exploration of the Promised Land and the people’s rebellion to the report. The first division was Numbers 13. While it wasn’t a principle, it was what God gave me to write down, plus a few questions from the TL…Do I have a God-centered or me-centered perspective as I am called to explore and inhabit new lands? Is my God big enough to fulfill his promises? Will I claim the promises he has given me? All I could do was smile.

When I arrived home, I read an email from my beloved. (Side note: Since he had to step out of BSF leadership, he receives the lecture from the men’s BSF class. I love how the men still love and care for him with abundant measures of grace, even though he is no longer in that circle. It is beautiful and an encouragement to his heart.) He sent me a copy of the lecture document from last night’s men’s class meeting. It has much of the same things I had just heard. He writes in his email, “Was thinking about your run on the treadmill this morning…” At that point, what could I do but laugh! Michael knows of God’s faithfulness to fulfill the crazy ideas He puts in my head! Just in the past 4 years, he has watched God provide for and take me to Rwanda 3 times, as well as begin seminary with no real tangible reasons as to why or what’s next. I told him I’m ready to be like Joshua and Caleb, trusting God to do the impossible. He then says, “Bring home the grapes! Not the bacon!”

Truly, if any grapes are gathered, it will be by the hand of the Lord, and if any new territory is covered, it will be by God’s leading and enabling. Which reminds me of my lectio divina time yesterday:

 “When the Lord brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you-a land with large flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant- then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.”

Deuteronomy 6:10-12

Clearly, it is all his doing. Any place we go, everything we have and are satisfied with, is all from His Hand. He alone is to receive the glory for the deliverance and the provision. And indeed, when the visions He has given me come to pass, in full or in part, all glory will be His. And I have no doubt the fruit produced with be both satisfying and eternal, and God willing, there will be a little bacon thrown in for this bacon loving girlJ