Its about time...

I no longer have access to my previous blog. So I will begin again. Really I have almost a year of info to post. It will come in segments, so hold on for the ride:)

Last year I trained for and ran the Eugene Marathon in May. It was my first marathon. Throughout the training, I was also studying the Book of Isaiah through Bible Study Fellowship. Neither the study or the race were easy in any way, shape, or form. God did a work in me during that 9 months, and especially during the last few miles of the marathon. I have chosen over these many months to not post what He spoke to me during that race. Fear, would be my only excuse as to why I made that choice. If it was laid bare, on a blog, then maybe in some crazy way I would be more accountable to live out that which He is calling me to do. That said, the time has finally come. God has given me 2 days to just be with Him. My goal was to unplug and not look at the computer or answer the phone. But when awoke this morning, this crazy blog keeps swimming in my mind, and His Spirit working in my heart. It may be incoherent, since I am just going to copy and paste my thoughts from last May. But still, it will be done. Not sure why He wants this out there for whoever to see, but I am tired of running from His grace, and want to run full into His arms.

Isaiah and 26.2

It began w/ a prayer at leaders meeting. God in His faithfulness heard that prayer and answered in stern, yet loving ways. 

Over the miles and chapters, God has taught me many things (some I knew, but didn't really KNOW):

• What we believe determines how we behave. 
• repentance-a change of mind/direction/a will to face my Lord & stop running
• God does not take sin lightly. 
• Trusting God means rejecting arrogance, self serving autonomy, and allegiance w/ transient constructs of the world. Futility and dark confusion is only dispelled by the light of God. I must listen and live His Word. Idols are nothing.
• God will change my search for answers to a desire for Himself. Only He satisfies.
• God is able to overturn easy lives in order to create holy lives. To fear the Lord is to revere Him and to know that security is w/ Him alone. 
• Ask God to give me revulsion for what is rebellious and corrupt, and that which will not endure.
• What personal troubles brings grief and pain? Will I seek God for healing?
• God show me your unchanging character and eternal purpose in the world and in my life.
• Idolatry is not tolerated. Do my fears drive me to my idols? yes What am I afraid of loosing if I serve God single-mindedly w/o reservation? Who am I? What would my life look like? Is that change really possible? Can I love the way God wants me to love? Is it even possible to understand what that is?
• Renounce the idols. Trust His provision of liberation. 
• Truth is found in the Lord Himself.
• Idols destroy and distort my thinking. What wrong thinking/attitudes am I continuing? How is God refining me? What is my response?
• Sin of unbelief, doubt in God and His ability/power, is the root cause of idolatry. 
• Jesus Messiah bore my depravity and personal sinful acts in His body on the tree.
• What barrier will I renounce? What do I really trust/pursue even while I talk about God?
• God is faithful. His purposes are infinitely more wonderful and they will come to be. The glory of the Lord transforms individuals. His presence and power are w/in me to transform. Will I let Him? 
• Intercession in prayer glorifies God b/c it admits utter dependance upon Him.

Over the miles last weekend, I prayed for those I know fighting cancer, for those who have ill loved ones to care for day in and day out, for those who are unemployed, for those facing death of loved ones, for those whose hearts are burdened w/ unsaved family members. I prayed God’s Words given to me through Isaiah. I prayed that I would be awake, that my eyes would be lifted, that I would listen and hear, that I would see God’s deliverance of His people. I raised each and every prayer w/ the knowledge that He would answer in His perfect way. At mile 18, my knee stopped cooperating. Pain and fatigue threatened to stop me dead in my tracks. But it was then, God said, “Do you really trust me? You know I will act on behalf of others, but do you really believe I can work in this area of YOUR life, Darcy? If so...let’s go.” So I walked. By mile 20, I was done. All I wanted to do was sit and be. But my feet kept moving and Isaiah 61 kept swimming through my mind. God sent Christ to come and bind up the broken hearted, proclaim freedom for the captives, release the prisoners from darkness. He came to comfort those who mourn, bestowing on them a crown of beauty, oil of gladness, and a garment of praise.

The idol, the wall built around my heart, would have to come down. I was done w/ the wrong thinking. I was done wondering if the change could really occur. I was scared. But my feet kept walking-mile 22. One by one, I had to renounce the reinforcements that comprised that wall. Pride, arrogance, grief, pain, disappointments, frustrations, control, anger.  And the root of it all...unbelief. I had to confess to God that I just didn’t think He could tear that wall down. Sure, He could answer all the other prayers, but I just really didn’t think He could do this one. Then He reminded me that Jesus Messiah bore my depravity and personal sinful acts in His body on the tree. Jesus cleanses the guilt I feel for my sin. It is already gone. The idol, that wall, is nothing. It has already been removed by Jesus. Was I going to continue to believe the lie, or was I going to believe the Truth that is found in Christ alone? My feet kept walking-mile 24. I hear Him say, “It’s time to get up. The chains have been unlocked, the prison door is open. Now pick up your mat, Darcy, and go.” Though scared, I knew what lie beyond had to be better than where I was. So my feet, my spirit, my heart, walked out of that darkness into the light. In doing so, I am able to hear His comforting words and experience His love more fully. I am able to receive from Him the crown of beauty, the oil of gladness, and the garment of praise. While I still am not exactly sure what life will be like now that my heart is laid bare, I know that God will never forsake me, nor will I ever be disappointed. He is my hope, peace, security, and strength. God has given me the deepest desire of my heart...Himself. And for that I can only sing a song of praise. He is my King of Glory! So at mile 26 I jogged into the stadium, knowing that I would finish this study and that race with excellence and strength-not of my own doing-all of His doing. So I will keep running into His arms while we begin this new chapter together:)